BY MEL COOKE, Freelance Writer

Fancy Cat getting the crowd in the mood at the Courts Jamaica Oaks Race day at Caymanas Park on Saturday April 23, 2005. - Ricardo Makyn/Staff Photographer.
BEFORE THE DANCING contests and Magnum giveaways at the Asylum nightclub, Knutsford Boulevard, New Kingston, in the early hours of yesterday morning, host Fancy Cat spoke his mind to the near capacity 'Ladies Night' audience.
And after addressing matters as diverse as parenthood, tight pants and church, interspersing the talk with music on CDs he handed to selector Kevin, Fancy Cat said "me heart full, star."
Fancy Cat said he was concerned that children were being molested, raped, and murdered and no one had offered a reward for the perpetrators, but that a Christian group had put up a reward for the murdered ambassador.
'DADDY'
"All man who get a yute, han up deh," Fancy Cat said as THE STAR entered the Asylum at a few minutes after midnight. "Nutten to me like when my yute sey 'Daddy'," he said, the crowd rocking to Bounty Killer's Cyaan Believe Mi Eye.
"How yu know yu fren? Yu can only account fi yusself an' de closes' one. Ten man a no fren. Nine a dem might a do something whe yu no know bout. No true a gal do yu hair yu sey dem a yu fren. True a gal gi yu likkle sugar yu sey a yu fren," he said, going for Bounty Killer again and the cheers went up for Eagle An De Hawk.
"We not inciting violence, but sometimes violence necessary," Fancy Cat said, outlining his reaction if his son was molested. "My father tell me straight. 'None a oonu nah disrespec' my name. Anybody disrespec' my son, memba!" he said, drawing Kartel's Gunshot.
"Anybody dis my son me feget bout comedy, me feget bout entertainment, is a life of crime," he said. "My heart is full and sometimes yu haffi talk," he said after the song.
"Me no believe inna church, Yu can pray a yu yard if yu have yu Bible an' believe inna God. A Portmore me live from 1984," Cat said, describing how a church started with a tent on a piece of open land. Now "swimming pool, Jacuzzi, a dat de pastor is all about. An fe put up money fi battyman whe a kill pickney. Me hurt star. Me heart full star," Fancy Cat said.
And then the giveaways began, Cat became a humorous host as the ladies danced to display their prowess in other areas.
Ity and Fancy Cat autograph session
Mission: Meet all the Fans
Level of difficulty: A nuh nutten
Where: Courts Crossroads
When: Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Time: 2-5 p.m.
Agents: Comedic duo Ity and Fancy Cat.
What's in it for you? Jamaica's best comic duo will meet, sign autographs and take pictures with their fans at the venue.
Comedy Search
ARE YOU THE next comedy star? Do you possess the gift to make people laugh?
Well this month's artiste feature will be different in more ways than one. Not only are Ity and Fancy Cat not your regular dancehall deejays but their talent search will focus on persons who are capable of making people laugh.
If you know you have the gift of making people laugh, call THE STAR's toll free line at 1-888-THE STAR and register. Winners will have the chance of performing at Backyaad Crack-Up and at the Asylum as well as a host of other prizes courtesy of Ity and Fancy Cat.
Ity & Fancy Cat's Joke Box
Fencing
JAMAICANS TRY TO beat the system anywhere they go. Now at the Athens Olympics, a Jamaican stood outside the entrance an a seh, 'Bwoy mi nuh have no pass, how mi a guh get in?'
Same time him si a bredda walk up wid a shot put inna him hand an seh, 'Germany, shot put' an dem let him in. Suh di Jamaican seh 'Oh, a suh it work.'
Den a next bredda, walk up with two spikes over his shoulder and said, 'American, sprint' an dem let him in.
The Jamaican then looked around and spotted some barbwire an him throw it over him shoulder an seh, 'Jamaica, fencing'!