Tell Me Pastor

Lies, lies, lies

Dear Pastor,

I am a 20-year-old female living in the United States. I am a full-time college student and I also work full-time. I have an associate degree and I am now going for my bachelor's. I have no children. I have a lot going for me right now.

I have been in a long-distance relationship with a guy for over two years. He is in Jamaica. He has a daughter, whom I love dearly. I love him with all my heart. He treats me the way I want to be treated. He calls me at least three to four times a day. The problem is that I date other guys and I am sexually active with one. They all know that I am in a long-distance relationship and my boyfriend knows that I go out with other guys, but I tell him that I go out in groups.

Tattle tale

I have a feeling he has a girlfriend and his daughter has confirmed it. I asked him about it but I didn't tell him his daughter told me, and he denied it. I went to Jamaica twice last year and had the best time. He doesn't have his papers and that makes things real difficult. He is not in a good job and lives with his mom. He asks me for money sometimes but I don't mind giving it to him as long as I have it.

U.S. papers

He lies to me about the smallest things and I don't understand why. For example, he says he is going out, because I say I am going out. I love him but I really don't know where this relationship is going. My father tells me that my boyfriend probably just wants to marry me so he can come to the United States. My father has not met him. My mother and other family members know him and don't have a problem.

My questions are: Do you think I am wasting my time? Do you think he only wants to come to the United States?

T.,

U.S.A.

Dear T.,

You have lots of doubts about this man in your mind. He lied to you and you lied to him. You have not been altogether honest either. I do not know whether he wants to marry you because he wants to live in the United States. You can't be sure that's his motive either.

If you plan to marry him you should stop playing around and tell him to stop playing around with other women. When you come back to Jamaica, both of you should go to see a counsellor.

Pastor