Tell Me Pastor

The new guy

Dear Pastor,

I am very proud of the work you are doing for people all over the world. I don't even know where or how to start. I am 21 years of age and have a boyfriend who is now 32. We became friends when I was in high school at the age of 16.

Everything was going fine, I loved him with all my heart and he had never forced me into anything. He always said I should wait until I am finished with school.

I finished high school, passed all my CXC's then started working. The relationship grew and we became more involved. He treated me wonderfully. My parents were against it at first when I was in school but after I left school things changed. He was allowed to come to my house and I could go out with him.

Everything was going fine until the day I set my foot in college, everything changed. I started boarding at college and he started drifting. I went to the United States to spend Christmas with my sisters one year and when I came back in January I heard that a girl was four months pregnant for him. I asked him and he denied it at first. A few days after when the rumour spread more, I asked him again and he said he was not sure if the baby is his and that he will have to do a paternity test to see if the baby is really his. At that moment my whole life fell apart. I told him I needed a break and he gave me that break.

During the same year I heard he was also married. When I asked him about it he told me it happened from the year I left school, and that he got married to an American who was his nephew's baby mother. He did it because he wanted to migrate to the states. He took me to his mom and she told me the same story, and I had to wonder whether she was lying or telling the truth, because she is a Christian in church.

Start over

We managed to start over and we faced a lot of problems. We still managed to overcome them.

After the baby was born, he did not do the paternity test. And to date it has not been done. This makes me wonder if I am wasting my time on him.

During my time away from him, I met up with my high school friend who was living in the United States. He was here for a year because his mom was ill, and during that period we became close. When he went back to the States, we still communicated until now. He calls me every chance he gets, which is very often. He comes to Jamaica every chance he gets to spend time with me.

The problem is my first boyfriend and I had got over things and started something fresh and now he is living in the United States of America. I am confused because I know I love my first boyfriend and I don't know what to do with my next friend, who is also living in the States. Now he is telling me that he wants to marry me and start a family.

Help me, Pastor! I don't know what to do. My life is a big mess.

L.M.,

Manchester

Dear L.M.,

You have a difficult decision to make. But I believe that you have had enough trouble with your first boyfriend and you should seriously consider dropping him. Yes, both of you made up. But you should always remember that you cannot trust his word. His word is not his bond. He is a liar.

I believe that you should accept the other guy's proposal and get on with your life.

Pastor.