Tell Me Pastor

No longer daddy's little girl

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old lady living in New York. What I am about to say hurts me to come to terms with, but it bothers me a whole lot.

I love my father dearly, he has always been there for me and I appreciate him for that. I was always able to talk to him about life and family values and just about growing up in general. We always had fun hanging out together, whether we were watching television or having dinner. We have a strong bond, but since lately, I have sensed a change in him. It seems as if he does not understand me anymore. When I try to talk to him he does not want to listen, and he gets upset when I try to tell him the truth about how he has changed lately.

I graduated from high school in 2003 and have delayed going to college so as to get some working experience as well as knowledge of the business field. This is because business management is my intended major. Besides gaining knowledge and experience, I started working in order to be able to save so that I can help out my dad with my college fund. He is a hardworking man, and he is bombarded with responsibilities and I don't want to cause him more stress.

I am getting older and would like to be able to communicate with my father and ask his advice. The fact that he gets upset when I try to talk to him about being on my own or growing up and getting married makes this very difficult.

I know that he loves me very much, but I don't understand why he acts this way despite knowing full well that I'm responsible and that he has taught me well. I pray that my dad will see me as an adult, and as a strong young lady who knows what she wants out of life, who is hardworking and determined in every way to achieve her goals. I fear that my dad will always see me as his little girl, and will have a hard time letting me go out in the world to find my place in it and myself so as to make a difference.

I would love to talk to my dad and share with him how I truly feel inside. He is the only person that truly knows my heart. He is like my best friend. He has always been by my side, and I refuse to let our relationship fall apart. I would appreciate your advice on how I should approach him about this matter. Please keep up the good work and may God continue to bless you.

K.W., Bronx New York

Dear K.W.,

Perhaps your father has not come to grips with the fact that you are an adult. I believe you are reading him correctly, and I love your spirit. You appreciate and love your father. It may take time for him to adjust to the fact that you are now an adult, but he will. Take time with him. Don't rush him. Assure him always of your love for him.

Father's Day is Sunday, June 20, 2004. Take dad out for dinner or cook him his favourite meal. Do not raise the matter about marriage. Talk about the family and your plans for study. He wants you to excel. He is afraid that you may get carried away about finding a partner and put your studies on the back burner. Your father wants you to do well and perhaps even at your age he may even be overprotective. Forgive him for whatever mistakes you believe he making.

Pastor