Tell Me Pastor

Is it worth it?

Dear Pastor,

I am woman in my 30s and I have been living in the U.S. for eight years. I have two children living with me. I am having a problem. Since I have been here, I have acquired a master's degree and I have a good job. I was involved with an American man for six years, but we broke up a year ago because of his constant cheating. The children are not his.

While I lived in Jamaica, I had a relationship with a gentleman with whom I kept in touch when I migrated to the U.S. He eventually came here in 1996 for a visit and we tried to continue our relationship. During that time, he introduced me to his male cousin, and I instantly felt an attraction for him. I did not act on it, however. My friend then went back to Jamaica. His cousin and I kept in touch as casual friends as I knew he had his relationships.

My friend came back to the U.S. some other time but he went to a different state from that in which I lived. He eventually got married, and by then I was involved with the boyfriend whom I broke up with a year ago. I was not mad that my friend had got married. Instead, I was happy for him. During all that time his cousin and I kept in touch minimally.

Recently the cousin and I were talking on the phone, and he informed me that he always had feelings for me and would like to get to know me on a different level. I live in Virginia and he lives in New York. As a result, for the past three months, we have been spending a lot of time on the phone in an effort to get to know each other and establish a relationship.

The problem is that he is living with a woman. He claims he does not love her and that he is only there because he had nowhere else to go at that time. They have been living together for four years, and his family is convinced she has 'tied' him.

I personally do not believe in obeah. I have told him about the kind of relationship that I want, and that he needs to take care of his backyard before he tries to promise me anything relationship-wise. He has proclaimed his love for me and I too have had feelings for him since 1996. He even told me that he is willing to relocate to Virginia. What should I do?

J.B., Manassas, Virginia

Dear J.B.,

Just as how this man used the woman with whom he is living for the past four years, he is likely to use you. I don't believe he is speaking the truth. I believe that if he did not love this woman, he wouldn't be there for so long. What does he mean by "he had nowhere else to go at the time"? If he did not love this woman, he should have been out long ago. I repeat, I do not believe he is speaking the truth and you ought to be careful. He may use you too and dump you.

Tell that man to stay where he is. If you don't and you take him in, he will live off you. You are probably making a very healthy salary. He will help you to spend it.

Pastor